What happened?
So I fell in love with RP. We had a very intense, 2.5 month relationship and I fell in love with him. He is everything I've ever wanted in a boyfriend, and it was wonderful. But we crashed and I got burned, and it hurts. I miss him terribly, and I'm trying to pick up the pieces.
He said that I'm negative, and full of self-doubt. But I was happier with him than I've been in a long time. I don't know if that says something about him or me, that he couldn't see that. My friends all saw how happy I was. And they don't think I'm negative, or they wouldn't be friends with me. I know I'm intense, years of therapy have taught me that. And I'm very self-aware and have all my feelings on tap. I need to learn how to control them a little better . . .
I think I let my feelings and emotions out too easily. They affect other people so strongly, and it really interfered with our relationship. If I was cranky, he felt like he had to make me happy. I never felt like he did, but he wanted to. The problem is, while I let him know how I was feeling, he let me know almost nothing of what was going on in his head. So all of the sudden he exploded, and to me it seemed out of nowhere.
I'm sure he had been stewing for a while, but it would have been nice if he had clued me in on that. Especially with the plane ticket he had just bought me, and all the plans we had been making for over a month in the future. What the hell was that about? Why toy with me when you know you're not happy?
I miss him. I really miss him. I want to be with him, and I can't make him want to be with me. I feel so strongly that we are good partners, and compatible. How is it possible for one person to feel that way, and not for the other? That is just so odd and wrong.
I would change so many things, looking back. But there were so many amazing times, too. I would change how I interacted with him. I assumed that he was playing the game the same way I was, open and honest, and he wasn't. I guess I shouldn't give him that much credit.
My body and mind are so tired. I look and feel like crap for the past two weeks. I just want him to come to my house and hold me.
He said that I'm negative, and full of self-doubt. But I was happier with him than I've been in a long time. I don't know if that says something about him or me, that he couldn't see that. My friends all saw how happy I was. And they don't think I'm negative, or they wouldn't be friends with me. I know I'm intense, years of therapy have taught me that. And I'm very self-aware and have all my feelings on tap. I need to learn how to control them a little better . . .
I think I let my feelings and emotions out too easily. They affect other people so strongly, and it really interfered with our relationship. If I was cranky, he felt like he had to make me happy. I never felt like he did, but he wanted to. The problem is, while I let him know how I was feeling, he let me know almost nothing of what was going on in his head. So all of the sudden he exploded, and to me it seemed out of nowhere.
I'm sure he had been stewing for a while, but it would have been nice if he had clued me in on that. Especially with the plane ticket he had just bought me, and all the plans we had been making for over a month in the future. What the hell was that about? Why toy with me when you know you're not happy?
I miss him. I really miss him. I want to be with him, and I can't make him want to be with me. I feel so strongly that we are good partners, and compatible. How is it possible for one person to feel that way, and not for the other? That is just so odd and wrong.
I would change so many things, looking back. But there were so many amazing times, too. I would change how I interacted with him. I assumed that he was playing the game the same way I was, open and honest, and he wasn't. I guess I shouldn't give him that much credit.
My body and mind are so tired. I look and feel like crap for the past two weeks. I just want him to come to my house and hold me.
posted by la fille en rose at 6:40 PM
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